It’s a strange thing that happens when people disappear from your life, I don’t mean to say that they have disappeared from society, only from your life, the space they held in your everyday has become empty, a lonely place void of warmth and solace. You used to be able to count on some part of your routine being affected by them, by their wit, their smile or maybe just their energy. But now, the only thing that exists in that place is their absence.
It’s a sad feeling, feelings of abandonment hover close, maybe it’s uncomfortable for both parties, maybe neither one wanted to disappear but that space became awkward because it was tainted with the energy of another. Regardless of the reasons for vacating that space, maybe you even asked them to leave but now, as time seems to slowly and methodically drift away, there are feelings that float to the surface like stones in a farmer’s field. Emotions tied to that person that disappeared, a longing for their banter, for their laughter, for their breath.
You are a different person because of their absence, that’s not to say that you aren’t you, only that a certain aspect of you has changed, only that a portion of you no longer has a place. What happens to those parts of us that are so because of someone whom is no longer there? Will those parts of us eventually fade away; will they become unnecessary and unwanted.
Will they simply fall away someday like an empty, faded leaf from a tree, only to be carried away by the winds of fall, abandoned and left to parish? And someday when we pass that person again, when we see them, when we hear their faintly familiar voice, will we know it, will we recognize them as someone whom once held a special place or like boyhood pals, as it does sometimes, will the two just float apart and become two more people on the street, filling separate places?
When the sun begins to cast long shadows, and it feels so much later than it really is, will we long to say goodbye to those we have lost but aren’t really gone? I wonder what happens to those empty spaces within our lives that never really seem to fill back up, do they just remain there like echoes, coming back to us on days when we feel vulnerable and alone and no one else seems to understand us?